I: I'm afraid!
me: Of what?
I: That I won't achieve my dream.
me: What is your dream?
I: To become a girl?
me: Wtf does that even mean? You are already a girl.
I: No, I'm not. I'm a guy.
me: You are everyone thus you are a girl.
I: Sure, but I wanna become a girl in this life.
me: How do yo define this life?
I: Uh, I want Alex to become a girl.
me: How do you define Alex?
I: Uh, the guy I currently am.
me: Right... So your present you basically wants to become a female.
I: Yeah. You know what. I just wrote this really long rant to M but I can't send it to him since he is making recordings so I'll give it to you:

So the answer to the second question is 'YES, I REALLY WANNA OMG ' and the answer to the first question is 'I gotta find out' since to find out for sure whether something is possible equals making it possible, assuming that it indeed is possible, since possibility equals actuality. This means in other words that everything which is possible is bound to happen. Do you realize how cool this is?! It means that I will either become or not become a girl and if I don't then it's not possible for me to become one in the first place.
But does this mean I can sit down and relax? Well, if I'm destined to become a girl then I'm destined to become a girl and that involves that everything that needs to happen in order to make that a reality is destined to happen as well.
But what if I am not destined to become a girl? In that case desiring it is a complete waste of time and just a meaningless source of frustration and suffering.
me: Tautologies man. These are tautologies! Why do you obsess about tautologies?

I: Because I wanna become a girl!
me: Omg. >.<
I: I know. Anyway. Why can't most people be bothered to analyze the relationships between pain and pleasure properly?
me: Why can you be bothered?
I: Because it bothers me.
me: So there you go. It obviously doesn't bother them.
I: But that must mean I'm suffering more than them!
me: Not necessarily, maybe you just obsess about it more.
I: But why do I obsess about it more?
me: Because it bothers you more?
I: And why does it bother me more?
me: You tell me.
I: Hmm. Maybe because I believe it is a worthwhile endeavor.
me: Worthwhile in terms of what?
I: In terms of overcoming suffering.
me: So you obsess about suffering as an attempt to overcome it?
I: I guess...
me: But then those who don't obsess about it are perhaps not suffering. Perhaps you are just desperately and pathetically crying out for help by bothering them about it all the time.
I: Perhaps. That's just sad though.
me: Yeah. Pathetic you.
I: But they don't believe I really suffer more than them.
me: Well, do you suffer? Do you suffer more than them?
I: I know that I suffer. I certainly don't suffer more than everyone else from what I can see. But I am everyone else and I care about everyone's suffering.
me: How does it help you though to think about your suffering?
I: Because I want to overcome it!
me: So stop thinking about it!
I: I can't do that right now!
me: Why?
I: I don't know. I feel forced to go on suffering.
me: What would need to happen for you to stop suffering this very moment?
I: Well, first of all, I'd have to be able to leave my job.
me: But that would get you into trouble which would create even more suffering.
I: Yeah, so that's a stupid theory. I don't think I can suffer less right now than I am suffering and that is what's so horrible about it.
me: What is so horrible about not being able to suffer less than you must suffer?
I: What is horrible is that suffering itself is horrible! And now it doesn't even feel like a choice. It's torture!
me: Oh, poor little you.
I: Yeah, poor me.
me: So what are we gonna do now? Why don't you just end it?
I: I can't end it. I'm immortal!
me: Hmm. So what about having patience?
I: I don't have patience. That is part of the problem. If I had patience then I wouldn't be suffering.
me: Are you sure?
I: No, but I feel sure I'm not experiencing patience right now.
me: Ok... So you are suffering. So what?
I: So what? It hurts!
me: So fucking what?!
I: Well, if it's ok that it hurts then why can't I just go and kill myself?
me: Coz that might make things even worse.
I: But how does that matter if it doesn't matter that it hurts?
me: Ok, so let's say that it does matter that it hurts. But you are already doing what you deem to be best, right?
I: Well yeah, I'm just not sure there is any point to it.
me: What sort of point?
I: You know, whether what I am doing now is the best choice.
me: There are no choices!
I: Then why the fuck do I have to work?
me: Because you don't want to end up unemployed and with no money.
I: Why?
me: Jeezus, because you don't wanna suffer more than necessary.
I: But if I have to suffer for eternity then I can't be bothered to try to avoid suffering. Then it's completely absurd to try to avoid suffering.
me: Yeah, so shut up and endure your suffering.
I: But the thing is that if I can't permanently overcome suffering the I don't feel like trying to overcome suffering. Then I just want to give up.
me: Why?
I: Because it's completely pointless to try to overcome suffering if it can't be overcome.
me: But you don't know whether it can be overcome or not. What if it can be overcome?
I: Then I should try to overcome it, right?
me: What if you can only overcome suffering by abandoning your attempts to overcome it?
I: But then we are back to where we were. Then I should just stop working. I don't feel like working.
me: Of course. If you can't overcome suffering then you can do anything you want. What do you want to do?
I: Kill myself.
me: Is that going to help?
I: Of course not. But I still feel like doing it if I can't overcome suffering.
me: What about the suffering it would cause to others?
I: Who gives a fuck. If suffering can't be overcome then there is no point in trying to minimize it. Then we are free to do whatever we want.
me: Do you really feel like killing yourself?
I: No, because I hope it's possible to overcome suffering.
me: Why do you think it is possible to overcome it?
I: Should I not believe it is possible? If it isn't possible then it doesn't matter whether I believe the opposite. And if it is possible then I'm better off believing it is possible.
me: Why?
I: Because it is obviously possible to suffer. And it is obviously easy to suffer if I want to suffer. It is also obvious that it is possible to not suffer. What isn't obvious is whether it is possible to stop suffering permanently.
me: Why do you want suffering to stop permanently?
I: Well, for one thing because it would be UNFATHOMABLY AWESOME. And also because then there would be a point to trying to overcome it, which I feel forced to do by the very fact that it is so undesirable.
me: So what is suffering really?
I: From what I can see it is simply being in an intrinsically undesirable state.
me: What is an extrinsically undesirable state?
I: Let me explain this further. Intrinsic undesirability of a state is the subjective undesirability one experiences while being in the state. Extrinsic undesirability is the objective undesirability of a state in the sense that one should avoid such states since they maximize one's experience of intrinsic undesirability.
me: But now you sound as if you had a choice about which states to experience. I thought you didn't believe in choice.
I: Err... I don't.
me: Then what is the point in dwelling upon extrinsic undesirability? You have no control over which states you experience.
I: Err... Ok, we gotta settle the free will and choice issue before we can keep discussing this.
me: (imitating Nelson's voice) Ha Ha!